Monday, January 16, 2006
A TRIBUTE TO MY FRIEND
I have a friend who is my soul mate. He has been since the day we met. I remember like it was yesterday when we met.
We always have just been friends sometimes out of fear of losing this great thing we found in each other. He is married now. ( adding that just so you all don't tell me to go get him and marry him immediately lol)
We've been there for each other through every relationship each of us has endured. Marriages, divorces, children, joy and grief.
I want to talk about him tonight because I never really have talked about this. I'd like for him to read this and understand on my part what our relationship means to me. And only hope to god that I have been the same type of friend to him as he has been to me.
What is a soul mate and why is he my soul mate? I don't mean this in a romantic way. It is meant in the deepest form a friendship can reach.
What I believe a soul mate to be is someone who completely understands you and in time understands you without words. Someone with whom you have mutual unconditional love with. Someone you have a special connection with that words can't explain, there is definitely something magical in it.
He can think for me, feel for me and act for me and it will be exactly how I would respond because he knows me that well.
We don't always feel the same way about things but we understand why the other is driven the way they are. We know the deep emotions of each other that we ourselves don't want to share.
We can sit in silence and yet walk away and feel like we had an entire conversation. Senses and facial expressions say more to each other than any words we pass.
When I really need someone, thousands of miles won't get in the way. There will never in my life be a situation where I am alone. Divine intervention seems to play a part often. Many times when I haven't reached out but really needed to, he seems to always appear. I wouldn't have been able to endure things at times on my own had it not been for him being there for me. Just knowing someone loves me that much is enough to get through things sometimes. There is less self doubt.
Unconditional love is an absolute in soul mates. I have felt this unconditional love towards me twice in my life. With my grandmother and my soul mate friend. The love is so deep that not only do they accept you and your wrongs they can't even see your wrongs if it's blaring at them. Everything you do is right, understandable, expected and beautiful in shining with who you are. That's just cool!
We talk endlessly. If we get on the phone hours will pass, sometimes the night will pass as we talk. In visits not once have I gotten away with a quick chat before I drop him off, we sit and talk all night, every time. ( since he moved out of state) Sometimes the talks are fun and silly, sometimes they are filled with talking about a song or tons of songs, sometimes filled with wonderment of the world and people, sometimes chats of our insecurities, sometimes we talk about us and our great friendship, sometimes we gossip like two girls, sometimes it's just laying there crying over something terrible that has happened, but no matter what we never have enough time to talk. How is that?
If I ever did something terrible he would cover it up for me as I would for him. Now, that's friendship but soul mates not only cover it up they cover it up in their mind and heart and find a perfectly good reason as to why you did that. Because you know the core of that persons soul. You never question, ever.
Maybe the years together helped this, but it was there from day one, it just became something to not deny as time went on. At first we could wonder if it really was like that between us but the years proved our fate together. So it didn't grow in time it just became more obvious over the years.
Maybe our innocence back then allowed us to be open to this sort of raw trust and exposure to each other. Maybe had we met today we would never find this sort of beauty between us. Even though now we know from experience together that it is there and is obtainable. The battles of life scar you, close you up, make you harder to reach. But, luckily innocense was thriving, the door was opened, and we never shut it.
My best memories with him aren't great stories, hysterical moments or outrageous things we did together. They are the times we talked.
(Skunky, click on this webpage and listen to the song while you read the rest of this tribute www.myspace.com/tblazer972 You'll recognize it.)
They are the times we sat in my room as kids, sitting for hours with nothing to do so we talked and learned about each other. We always had tons of questions for each other.
The times you knew down to every lyric why a song meant something to me because you listened and wanted to know because you knew you would learn more about me by doing so and it made me happy.
The times we sat in my car after dropping everyone else off at the end of the evening and talked for hours and got to know each other even more.
The times we ditched everyone while camping at High Cliff and layed in fields and talked under the night sky.
The times we played poker all night with friends and laughed so much.
The times we hung out at my first apartment and sat at my kitchen table and, yup, talked.
The times when I lived alone and you would come over after work to check on me and make sure I was okay. Which made me feel loved and safe.
The times I told you the secrets in my life because I knew you would still see me the same... as before I told you.
The times you came to my house and saved me from a life I was hating, taking me for a walk and telling me I deserve better and reminding me I was so much better of a person than what was being told to me.
The times you were angered when someone who was supposed to love me would hurt me and not treat me with the type of respect you felt I deserved.
The times someone didn't understand me and what I needed because to you it was so obvious and not difficult.
The times you kept quiet when you knew I deserved better but you also knew I felt love and had to figure it out for myself.
The times when my world was so dark but you had the ability to pick me up and make me laugh. I have laughed through my tears more with you than I can recall.
The times when the people who were supposed to love me and be there for me weren't and you filled their place.
The times that we both wondered how we would have survived without having each other to lean on.
The times that I could always say what was on my mind and feel so absolutely comfortable to be myself whether shining bright or quite dimly at the moment.
The times you would never get embarrassed by me being silly or having fun because you were just so happy to see a smile on my face and that's what mattered to you.
The times we'd remininse about "our" funny stories together for the zillionth time really knowing we were only sharing the stories because we enjoyed talking about our times together.
The times you'd get excited about something only because I was excited about it.
The times we'd sit at your mom's house all night long and talk being so happy that we have this time together just like old times.
The times you came home just so I could cry and get all my grief out, no matter how long it took. That silence and my tears helped heal me.
The times you offered to help me save my children whether it be from hurricanes or a war.
The times you cared just as much for my children as you cared for me because they were an extention of me.
The "time" you understood the greatest grief in my life to date and didn't try to tell me not to worry so much about it but knowing why I was in such despair because you knew the love I carried.
And all the future times you will be there for me letting nothing stand in the way, not even myself.
That is what a soul mate is to me. If there is such thing, this is it. Being the person you are is what has taught me what a soul mate is. I feel so blessed to have you in my life and I love you so much.
Anytime you ever feel low always remember that it takes someone absolutely extradinary to be this sort of friend to someone. You are very unique and incredible.
Our friendship alone proves that.
You are my John Lennon.
Thank you
Posted by FieldsOfJoy ::
11:26 PM ::
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