Release The Sanity

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Creativity Is A State Of Mind

Not Necessarily A Positive One

I'm getting a first hand look at this right now. I know B is excited and is trying to get a lot of work done right now in a short amount of time. But you still have to eat, go to bed at a reasonable time and take care of yourself.

His demise last visit is starting to make sense to me now that I see it unfold again in right in front of me. It really circles around his music creating. He gets SO focused on what he's doing he forgets everything else. And, god forbid you interupt him while an idea is forming in his head, or he's about to record something he just thought of. He will snap on you for disrupting the idea that will make this song perfect in his mind and he doesn't know if he'll get to that place again where the idea sits.

Last time he was home it was talking to Jimi on the phone. He forgot to take his meds because he was so preoccupied. Then he didn't sleep all night and on and on.

I had this idea of how things should go. Ways to keep him on a schedule and bring him back to the things he needs to keep close in mind. Exactly like last time, minus that last night here was here. Breakfast, lunch and dinner relatively at the same time every day. Meds, same time every day. I pictured him and Jimi getting up, eating a good breakfast, working until lunch, eating lunch, working until dinner.... and so on.

It's not going as planned. Dinner last night was fine. But then when it came time for B to put his instrument down and get some rest he got pretty ticked off about it. And, this was after 5 hours of straight playing already. I knew if I wouldn't have said anything he would have worked all night on his songs.

We had an agruement last night about not following through with our earlier agreed 11:30 bedtime. I understand his frustration but I have a more important mission in mind. His health. He's been denied the ability to record for over 4 months, he's been denied the ability to jam with his musical twin for 6 months, he's been denied to have time to just flow with a creative moment due to the tight scheduling of the clinic. I understand all this, I really do, but I also know obsessing is going to cause him problems. Which could lead to more problems.

I have to remember that he might not always be this wound up about having to take a break. Sometimes I think, gawd is this how he just will be now. But, he's under a time bomb in his mind which he won't be when he's home for good.

This morning he walked straight from his bedroom to the basement. I called him back up and said, "B you need to eat breakfast first. He grabbed a handful of doughnut holes and went downstairs. I wasn't happy about that. I planned on making a breakfast. He said, we'll eat breakfast later. Well, duh, that would be lunch then and you just skipped a meal.

Then I find out the rest of the band is coming over at 12:30. Aurg, this is messing up my whole timing for meals.

Posted by FieldsOfJoy :: 11:24 AM :: 0 comments