Friday, December 09, 2005

Yes, B was here and I didn't post anything during that time. I figured I wouldn't post during his visit. 4 days goes by fast and I wanted to utilize my time with him and the family.

I can't imagine writing everything that happened and was on my mind during his visit. Too much stuff. The 4 days went very well and had he gone home when he was supposed to I would say it was as perfect as could be. The last day... The extra day, was rough.

On arrival B was very driven to get to his Marshall, mixing board and recording equipment. He had a lot of ideas brewing and wanted to get them recorded. I was impressed with his focus and desire to get back to his passion. He had quite an assortment of lyrics from the last 3 months and the music was in his head, so he just zipped downstairs and got to work.

I was pleased to see him go to bed on his own at decent times, eating well and choosing to spend quality time with each family member. (even though I knew he was hearing the clock ticking and probably wanted to be in the basement working instead)

The first night Jake, lead singer, came over for dinner and spent a few hours with B working on songs. Then B told Jake he didn't want him to play bass anymore but focus on his instrument, his voice. They decided Jake would just play back-up guitar. All seemed good. After Jake left B called Jimi, bass player, in New Zealand and chatted up with him a bit. By that time B was exhausted and went to bed.

The next day B tells me he now told Jake that he doesn't want him to play guitar either. This decision I'm concerned with. I'm sure Jake is upset, he told B "I don't know what the hell you want so I hope you find it." Jake is B's social support and B will greatly need that when he comes home. B told me he had a vision of how he wants his songs to sound and Jake keeps trying to change them. To the point of offering to "finish" a song B started. That didn't go over very well.

I told B if he felt that way it was fine but he should have waited until he got back home, established himself again with his friends and then maybe threw out how he felt. Jake is a great person and positive influence on B. Jake has been extremely supportive of B and I'd hate to see B lose that.

So basically,B ended up coming home for 4 days, telling Jake he didn't want him to be a part of the creating process, just sing what everyone else creates. Leaves. Comes back in a week and expects Jake to be his buddy and help get him re interrogated socially. Hmmm, I don't see this going over well. I'm sure I'll write more about that later as the events unfold.

The rest of the days were filled with music, meals and good conversations. The sweetest part in my opinion was when B spent a few hours with T coloring. He made a cute picture of himself and her, similar to the homemade card he sent her. She was so excited about him being home. The joy on her face when he spent that time with her was priceless. Lots of hugs were floating around.

It was difficult to get everyone their time with B because of all the phone calls and everyone wanting to spend time with him. That caused some stress. At least he knows he's loved.

He took two of M's drum lessons and got a lesson in with his guitar teacher. I know that thrilled him.

B was expected to leave on Thursday. When we got to the airport he started getting very restless. He ended up having enough anxiety that he couldn't fly. We rescheduled everything for the next day and had a prescription for anxiety called in.

On Friday we tried again, and all went well.

I just did a flight status and he has landed in Houston safe and sound.

At this point in my post I got tired and went to bed...

So anyway, the extra night B stayed I fell asleep while watching a movie with him and T. I was woken at 4 a.m. with him having an anxiety attack. I said did you take your medicine before you went to bed? He says, "No!" So I gave him his medicine and spent the next 2 hours helping him work though this anxiety. Anyone who has had anxiety attacks knows this is quite a stressful situation. I couldn't believe I fell asleep without giving his medicine and I was stunned to hear he didn't take it on his own.

So I took him to the basement to so he could play his guitar because I know that soothes him and will preoccupy his mind. Which worked for the time being. Then he tells me, "I haven't gone to bed yet" OMG!! Here he was going to bed each night earlier than I was making him and the one time I fall asleep before him he stays up all night and doesn't take his meds! This is not good!

After playing guitar he got restless again so I had him breath into a bag to slow his breathing down. In time I convinced him to lay down and I rubbed his feet for about an hour. He finally fell asleep. Leaving me exhausted.

I got M and T up to get ready for school. Got them off. And called to report the evenings events.

Good did come from it all because it made B realize he shouldn't miss his meds even once. It made me more aware of it also. I realized I'd rather have him take his meds two hours early ( before I fall asleep) verses leaving it up to him once I go to bed. And I think an alarm clock in the kitchen will help for a reminder also.

I was given advice that it would be good for B to wear a watch that has an alarm on it. I thought that was a fantastic idea but B says he doesn't like wearing watches. I say who cares! You do what you gotta do. I think I shouldn't be the primary one reminding B. I think I should be the backup for rare times he forgets. I want B to be as independent with this as he can be.

So I'm worried about life right now. You can organize and schedule as much as you want but life just happens unexpectedly sometimes. Something at some point will make us forget something we have to do. And, this is a situation where we can't forget. That scares me. I'm already thinking... hmm, maybe I'll put extra meds in my purse and the car. I don't know what situation could come up where that could be helpful but I want to make sure they are available at any time for any reason.

B was going to be coming home for good on Wed. I have a feeling they may think he isn't quite ready yet after that last night here. I just don't know. I know his anxiety medicine isn't working the best for him and they are going to have to adjust that and it takes time to make sure meds are stabilized and working.

So, I sit again in limbo wondering when my son can come home, begin his life again and be a part of ours.
Posted by FieldsOfJoy :: 7:17 PM :: 0 comments

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