Thursday, December 22, 2005

"It Doesn't Remind Me Of Anything" Audioslave

I love this song.

It has meaning for me.

What I hear the message to be is this...If I have to think of the things I've lost please bring me to being filled with nothing because the pain is to great. If I don't feel in the first place, it can't hurt me. "I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget."

When B first left 4 months ago I was on a mission to keep him tied with new music to listen to, new material. When I heard "It Doesn't Remind Me Of Anything" I had to send him the CD with a star next to this song.

At the time I was just realizing the extent of how much pain he was in from the world and people around him. I have my moments where I can relate to that feeling. I live for positive perspective but there certainly are times when I look around and I am amazed at all the chaos that moves around us. Amazed at how easy it is for people to disregard other people to get what they selfishly seek...Ignoring the pain they cause and are only able see the light they viperously are running towards at the end of the tunnel. Unaware of all the damaged hearts and pained memories laying behind them in the people they crushed. Do they realize that sometimes these people will never be the same again because of their actions? I wonder if they just don't get it or if they just don't care. Which makes me think of something someone taught me.

A man I once knew told me he didn't think I could handle getting into a relationship with him. The responsibility was too great for me. I had no clue as to what he was talking about and when I asked him to elaborate he said, "People don't realize what a great responsibility it is to be given someone else's heart. How do I know you will take care of it the way it needs to be if I give it to you?" I was dumbfounded. I never really thought of it with this degree of clarity. He obviously was scared that if he gave me his heart he knew he would give all of it and feared I wouldn't protect it and cherish it as a gift. He taught me something incredible about love during that conversation. I know what he means now, I really know. And, part of my reason why I haven't been willing at this time to "go find" someone I can share my life with.

Now that's an example with love, but the topic of my blog includes love only as a segment, the overall topic is generally how people can treat each other, the degree of which we are willing to feel and the degree of feelings we have no control over. Whether it be in love or a stranger who rips you off and everything in the middle.

B understands this. He thinks he is different because he cares so much, I think he thinks people don't understand, he sees so much through his eyes and heart and he expects the same respect and care back. Different yes, but in a good way, in the right way. If you have this understanding for life, people and the way we should function together you realize everything counts. Everything matters. Everything means something. No matter how small it may appear. And when you see things to this degree , feel things and live life like this it can hurt. Deeply. Disappointment can be abundant.

They say ( those experts talking again) someone who is right minded and creative thinks differently, seeing the world differently and I think this is what the big difference is between some and others. You live the agony and the ecstasy. You can't have one without the other. It's a double edge sword. Michelangelo knows all about it. He is one of the best artists ever because he studied and perfected the art of detail. He understood his art would look different on a deeper level if he added the details. The nerves, muscles, tendons, veins in his art is what set him apart from his predecessors, the detail. I think relationships work very well in the same way. These types of people pay close attention to small details because they know the details matter just as much. They see how things should be and could be and it disturbs them to the very fiber of their being if it's not right.

There was a great article on "understanding the gifted artist" and my words can't explain it better so I'll just throw the part I'm talking about in here.....

Qualities of these people...

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY: Whether it's fear, anger, sorrow, jealously, satisfaction, love, hope or joy, creatively and artistically gifted people tend to experience it deeply, passionately, and intensely. A good general guideline is to take however a "normal" person would react emotionally to an event, and multiply it by three.

HYPERSENSITIVITY TO THE ENVIRONMENT: Many have highly developed senses of smell, taste, and touch, as well as vision and hearing. They can derive intense pleasure from such simple tactile acts as stroking a kitten. They may also be offended by odors, sounds, color combinations and intensities, shapes and forms no one else notices. Designers and painters are often extremely uncomfortable if forced to spend time in a room with clashing colors or unbalanced furniture. For musicians and singers, having perfect pitch can be as much a curse as a blessing, especially if accompanied by a slightly-out-of-tune piano. When J.S. Bach's wife was angry with him, she would pound a dissonant chord on the piano, knowing it would drive her husband crazy!

(As anything you can have some of these qualities, some not and to various degrees.)


Back to the song the started this writing tangent. When I heard this song I personally was feeling quite a bit of chaos and pain and the confusion of life swirling around me. This song hit a cord with me. I loved how I could say, "Yeah! I feel that way too." "Someone turn this madness off because it hurts!" I want to think about things that don't matter and enjoy it, not all this other crazy madness. And I found whenever I listened to the song I was able to forget my problems during the song. Maybe because if someone felt the same way enough to write a song about it I wasn't alone in my feeling.

I want to think about all the things that don't stress me out or hurt. When you feel this way sometimes you so badly want to be able to just turn it off because it's too much. You feel to much. It's not easy to live with your heart 24/7. This song is about nothing yet about everything. We all need a bit of nothing sometimes.

When you fall in love the rest of the world seems to disappear, doesn't it? You can be in a room full of people and you only see the one you love. Chaos can be abundant but somehow at the time it can't touch you. People around a couple that are in love know they are basically invisible at the moment. I suppose that may be the "coping" answer I'm looking for. To be in love with life enough that all the chaos and pain around you is invisible. At least invisible enough to carry through it.

This song deserved the Grammy nomination it just received, well deserved.

I sent this song to B because I knew he was in that spot of tremendous pain and disappointment and I wanted him to find that place where he can think of things that don't matter. I want to give that peaceful silence to B.

When I'm able to think of things that don't matter I feel serenity. I start becoming more creative, I have time to think about things I wouldn't give time to before. I'm healthier because I have time to be on top of my game. A much better feeling than feeling like you are stuck in a loop of taking that last breath before you go under.


So to sum it up....Enjoy the simplicity!( I'm more so reminding myself) Enjoy those things that don't matter, recognize them. Don't just stress on the things that are obvious. Notice the warm days and try to ignore the cold ones.

"The things that I've loved, things that I've lost
Things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget"

I love the intensity of the chorus because to me it's like screaming for an answer to all these things... Or just a way to forget. Sometimes we need to forget what means so much to us because it's to painful to remember. Ease me into nothingness.

"I like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything"

I like this verse also because I think sometimes musicians do what they do to be heard and sometimes they play just to escape. Their gift opens doors and can just as effectively close them. Whatever they may need at the moment.

The other song on this CD I like is "Be Yourself" I'll save my thoughts about that another time.

Whew. I'm done. This one took about two hours. Lots of things for me to think about in this one.

I am finding that when I have a lot of things I'm thinking about I take less care of properly formatting my words and topics. I am hopeful I will get better at this. To me this post makes perfect sense and ties together but I can see where someone reading it would feel confused. Dare you enter my mind, you could get lost easily. ;-)

Now I'm really off for Houston this time. I leave in 6 hours and I need sleep.

Ciao!
Posted by FieldsOfJoy :: 7:40 PM :: 2 comments

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